Hello, I Love You

Dotty couldn't help but agree with Nuka. Everything had been so much brighter in Nottingham, so full of hope for the future. If she closed her eyes on some days, she could almost believe that the war wasn't happening and they'd just left to make their home somewhere far away from all the heartache they'd experienced in the Outlands. She would have liked the idea of staying in the castle, playing chess with Mauko and telling her children stories and having their laughter fill the stone hallways with life. That was before everything came crashing down around them.

"You still have me and the girls. We can still be a family now that Zira has her cubs. The girls will be free from her and we can try and rebuild." Dotty suggested hopefully "What happened wasn't your fault. It was Zira. She and Scar were afraid of what you could become and of the life you were building for yourself and everyone who followed you. You can't keep blaming yourself."

Dotty rose to her paws again, following Nuka's movement. She didn't know what to do. Her idea had been to run far away and try and salvage what little they could. Maybe they could find Zukki and her cubs? She liked the idea of seeing her old friend again. They could all carve a place for themselves where they could be away from the taint of Scar and Zira's madness.

"You guys don't need me," Nuka said, turning his back on Dotty, "I'd be...horrible...just...don't you get it Dotty? I got our SON killed!" He turned back to her, ears folded back as he pressed his head to her chest. He felt like a lost child in some ways. He sighed and inhaled in her fur.

"You can't change the past," Nuka huffed, "I can't bring him back. I want to. Every day I want to." His voice hiked as he released himself from reality. "People in this war come back all the time. They do! Why can't he come back?! Why can't he..." He kept his face buried in the fur of her chest.

"I've done...so many...bad things," he said, "So many bad things, Dotty...so damn many...father made me do things, mother...I just...can't anymore..."

"I need you!" Dotty exclaimed, tears from a mixture of frustration and despair welling in her eyes "Don't you see that? I'd follow you anywhere, Nuka. I love you."

If only love was enough, Dotty thought. If she had the power to go back and change the past, she would in a heartbeat. She would give anything to have the future she had dreamt of in Nottingham. They had both been so close to happiness, true happiness, only to have it cruelly snatched away along with Mauko's life. If it were possible for Dotty to hate Zira even more than she already did, she did now. It broke her heart seeing her once proud and ambitious mate reduced to a blubbering child due to Scar and Zira's actions. It sickened her how they could treat him like this.

"I know." she said, trying to recover from her outburst "If I had the power to bring our son back, I would...just to hold him again. He didn't deserve to die like that but it wasn't your fault. You didn't lead him into the forest, you didn't lure Zira to him, you didn't abandon him to die. Mauko's blood isn't on your paws."

The more Nuka despaired the more it felt like nothing Dotty could say or do would rouse him from his sorrow. She wished she knew the right words to say, the right thing to do to but as usual she was useless...worse than useless. 

Nuka winced, ears lowering as she shouted at him. She needed him? A wave of annoyance shuffled over his fur. She loved him. Did he love her? His mind went back to the day before, to the rush of happiness, to the heat and love of Zukkiza's touch. This was the mother of his cubs for heavens sake! Why couldn't he bring himself to feel the way he had yesterday? The way he had when Zukkiza...he shook her from his mind for the moment. But still guilt welled in him that he couldn't return Dotty's sentiment.

Luckily she moved on. She moved on to talking about...him...about...Mauko. He gritted his teeth and shut his eyes. Catch me Dad! Mommy! Come watch me jump! I caught a mouse for you...mom...dad...

"I'm sorry, Dotty," he breathed, rubbing his paw down his face, "I don't know why I never think...that you don't hear his voice calling out for you too." He shuffled close to her, placing his flank against hers. "R-remember when he got his tongue stuck on the lantern in town? How upbeat he was even though his sisters were teasing him and we couldn't figure out how to get him loose?" He laughed a little.

"I forget the good memories," he muttered.

Is it possible to die of a broken heart? Dotty didn't know but she felt it was possible the way her heart shattered in her chest as Nuka spoke. Of course she heard Mauko's voice calling out to her. His last words had been to scream for her, his mother, a desperate plea to save him. That thought ate at her mind and soul. If she had just been faster she could have protected her son...or maybe it would have been kinder to give her life for his. After all, what did Dotty have to live for besides her children? She knew that Nuka would never love her, she knew she was a disgrace amongst her fellows pridesisters and she knew that she would never be fully accepted into Scar's forces for fear she would turn on him again...and if she ran where would she go?

Foolish cub! Did you ever think you'd get a happily ever after? A voice in her mind spoke up. It sounded like the ghost of Scruffy back to chastise and mock her.

"I do." she murmured in response. She remembered all the brief spots of light in Nottingham before everything had gone to hell. It was all she could cling to now to stop her falling into the same pit of despair that Nuka had found himself in "We had to get Prince John to get him unstuck in the end. He just laughed and bounded off with the girls when we got him out."

The urge to curl herself into Nuka's chest was overwhelming but she knew it would be useless. She was nothing. She never would be anything other than a brief fling and a mother of his cubs to the lion she loved. Maybe it was better than most got but for Dotty it would always hurt to know she'd come so close and fallen so far.

He would let her. The male placed his arm around her shaking shoulders as he reminisced with his lost lover. "And-and do you remember when he got his little head stuck in that soup pot and we didn't know what it was? It took all four of us, girls included, to pull him out!" He chuckled softly to himself. His ears folded back and he bit his lip.

"Dotty...we...we gotta keep remembering him alive and not...not dead." Sure the conversation had taken a turn but Nuka wanted to move on from discussing what was out of the question. All he could imagine was mother hunting down his girls for sport if they left. Making Dotty watch as she stripped the flesh from their bones. He swallowed.

"I sometimes forget that," he murmured.