Conflicted emotions inside of me

Shenzi grumbled. Her stomach was growling and wouldn't stop bugging her about her hunger. Now that the sun was gone, something changed inside the matriarch, she felt more... vulnerable and insecure, so to speak. Shenzi wouldn't act like it or openly admit though, she still had a reputation to uphold. But on the inside, she felt slightly scared and worried. But why was she? That was the question on her mind. Why was she acting like this? Shenzi shook her head and brushed off the thought. She was padding around the Outlands for some reason, possibly trying to waste some time since she woke up so early. She wanted to hunt, but what was the point? The prey would be sleeping, or they could be doing something, or they maybe walked off a cliff and fell to their doom due to the lack of light.

She sighed and silently admitted defeat as the female padded back into the den. As much as she hated to admit it, she kinda wanted someone to talk to about everything. Ed wasn't really the best of listeners, he often laughed or did something weird while she talked. A small smile spread across her face as she remembered him biting on his leg while Scar plotted about killing Mufasa. Banzai wasn't the best listener either, but in the Outlands, you had to take whatever you could get. The female padded towards the gray and black furry bundle that was one of her two closest friends.  

"Banz. Banz. Banz, wake up. Banz. Banz. Banz. I know you hate getting up so early 'n all. But wake up." Shenzi nudged her friend a few times. "C'mon wake up." She tried nudging the grey and black lump of fur again. "C'mon, ya gotta get up sooner or later."

---

Open to: Shenzi and Banzai
Muse: Style by Taylor Swift
Word count: 300
Timeline: 4th of Feb
Notes: The time's around 5:55 am. 

Dreaming was always so peaceful, it was everyone's chance to escape reality for a few moments and perhaps just relax. However, not all dreams were full of rainbows, unicorns, happy endings, and stuff of that nature. Sometimes they were nightmares, making someone realize what they feared even if they couldn't admit it outwardly to themselves. Tonight was one of those dreams for Banzai:

It was a dark, stormy night at Pride Rock. The hyenas had finally climbed their way back up the food chain and claimed their rightful place as top predator. Of course, that also entailed the hyenas switching from a matriarchal society to one of a patriarchal nature. Banzai was fine with that, of course he was, because that meant that he was the alpha, he was in charge, and he could have whatever female he wanted. No one could boss him around. He was tougher than stone with a heart to match and he was convinced that nothing could ever break that. Banzai was sitting out on the edge in the rain, looking out at the savanna, his savanna. The male looked over his shoulder and saw that Shenzi was heading over towards him. He felt an unnatural smile grace his maw which exposed all of his razor sharp teeth. Suddenly, a large snake squirmed out from under a nearby rock, hissing and spitting in sync with the thunder and lightning as if it was an extension. Fear gripped his entire body as he realized what was happening: the snake was heading right towards the unsuspecting female. Before he could say a word,t he viper struck at Shenzi with unforgiving malice that made Banzai's blood run cold. The worst part wasn't that she was bitten, but that it happened in slow motion. Banzai couldn't move fast enough to save her. In a strange twist of fate, the ground opened up and swallowed Shenzi whole. Finding his footing, the male rushed over and cried into hole with a voice that never materialized. Never before had he felt so much anger before as he looked at the viper. The viper seemed to be mouthing something, and each time it became more audible. 'Banz. Banz....Wake up,' the voice faded in and out.

The nudging of a snout in his side was the hook and line that drew him out of his nightmare with a startle. He looked around the den, greeted with that all too familiar darkness, and relaxed as he realized that it was all a dream. Shenzi was still here, safe and sound, but why did he care so much? Lately he'd been battling some conflicting feelings, never reaching a final decision about what he felt. Shenzi had been his best friend for the longest time. No one had ever put up with his bull for this long before and, honestly, he had no idea what he would do if that all suddenly vanished into thin air. Taking a deep breath to settle himself, Banzai gave a bleary-eyed look to his friend as he now started to feel a little irritated. Irritated that she woke him up at the butt-crack of dawn, but secretly thankful for tearing him out of his personal hell. Perhaps he did have feelings, but she could never know. No..not ever, he thought to himself. He had so much at stake: his own reputation, hers, and his friendship. Those were too valuable to have him risk ruining it all. Clearing his conflicted mind again, Banzai grumbled grumpily and rubbed at his eyes with a paw as he sat up on his haunches. "What is it Shenz? It's...well..too early. This better be good," he mumbled sleepily, golden eyes looking at the other hyena. 

---

word count| 623 |
muse| One Last Time by Ariana Grande |
notes| weeee |

"What is it Shenz? It's...well..too early. This better be good,"

"If it wasn't good, why the hell would I wake you up then?" She said bluntly. It was always easy to talk to her friend about petty stuff, stuff involving their little hell-hound, Missy, plotting about what they were going to do when Missy eliminated all of their enemies and they took over. But whenever personal stuff was on the table, it was like opening up a locked box that could never open. But she had to try. Shenzi wanted to talk to someone. She wanted to admit that she was scared and felt vulnerable. That she was scared about what would happen to Missy if she fell inside the pit and died, she was scared about what the dark meant. For herself and the war.

"I... I want... to... talk...to...you."

The words barely came out, and she immediately regretted them and wished she could take them back. But they were out and had already been said. Shenzi mentally kicked herself for saying that. Banzai was probably embarrassed that she said that, she was too. Drastic changes in people's lives changed them. The sun and stars disappearing was one of those changes. Shenzi took a deep breath and started again.

"I want to talk to you about the dark."

The words came out better, thank god. But Shenzi was still embarrassed about talking to one of her best friends, one of which she had known for years, about personal matters. Normally she wouldn't do shit about it, but now, why was it so different? Why did it feel different? Why was she nervous about talking to one of her closest friends for god's sake? And most of all, when had she begin to care so much about these feelings too? 

She didn't now, and now her mind was conflicted about all of this. She sat down on her haunches and waited for Banzai's response. Probably embarrassed. Wouldn't blame him. Why do I feel so weird now? He's one of my best friends, for fuck's sake. I should be able to talk to him without feeling weird or wondering why I care so much. 

---

Muse: I Hate Everything About You by Three days Grace

Word count: 353

Notes:  I think the song is good for this type of situation. ^^

"How the hell would I know? That's why I asked," he mumbled grumpily. Banzai wasn't a morning person in the least. He hated waking up early and doing practically anything before noon. He wasn't responsible for hunting and/or gathering or building stupid structures, so what was the point of him being up before he really needed to be. Something, however, sat uneasily inside of him. Shenzi knew he loved his sleep and never ever woke him up so obviously it must be important, or something must be bothering her. How could something be bothering her? She's basically a machine, he thought to himself. The male leaned forward, paws extended, and stretched the sleep out of his back and shoulders, his muscles and bones making muted popping noises. With a groan of relief, Banzai sat back up and continued to wiggle his toes, waking them up too, as he awaited for Shenzi to get on with her point. The sooner she was over, the sooner he could go to sleep. Although since he was already up, he probably wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. After what she was about to drop on him, he certainly wouldn't be able to sleep until the night.

Banzai wasn't expecting her following actions in the least bit. This was the first time that he had seen her so vulnerable, so open, so..communicative. She'd never open up to anyone and the way she was tripping over her words made it obvious that she was having a hard time coping with whatever it was. It was just as hard for her to choke the words out as it was for Banzai to take them in. He was a little embarrassed, only because he didn't know what to do nor how to handle her. She can't be babied, no..she'd chew my ass off. I can't be distant and tell her to suck it up because...well...she'd chew my ass then too. Damn these women, he thought to himself as he fell into silence. The male was certainly walking on eggshells now, the slightest insensitive remark could either cause her to close up or to fuss at him. To be honest, he wasn't ready for either. Out of all the Outland cretins, she was the only one who had ever stuck by his side, even when he was a jackass, and he couldn't imagine living without her. He'd never admit it out loud no matter how much he secretly wanted her to know. Letting the silence between them grow thick and awkward, he cleared his throat and looked at the ground, then at her. "Well...okay then...what about it?" he stammered, looking at her a little confused. If she wanted to talk about the darkness she had to be a bit more specific. "Are you..uh...scared? Or is something else bothering you? This is..new for us both, but somethin' really must be botherin' ya Shenz for ya to be actin' like this. I know I'm a jackass and a horrible listener, but, ya got me a little...w-w-worried. You 'kay?" Once he opened his mouth, the words just kept tumbling out and there was nothing he could do to stop them. It was like word vomit, most of them, burning all the way up and out. He mentally slapped himself in the face. He wasn't making the situation any easier, or less awkward, and he could only hope that it would either go some where or return to normal. 

---

word count| 589 |
muse| HeadBand by B.o.B feat. 2 Chainz |
notes| it does! |

"How the hell would I know? That's why I asked," "Well...okay then...what about it?"  "Are you..uh...scared? Or is something else bothering you? This is..new for us both, but somethin' really must be botherin' ya Shenz for ya to be actin' like this. I know I'm a jackass and a horrible listener, but, ya got me a little...w-w-worried. You 'kay?" 

This was new.  Very, very, very new. Shenzi hadn't expected Banzai to be like this, at all. Under any circumstances. Ever. For the rest of time. Banzai had a heart of stone, and acted like if he gave no fucks or shits about the world, which he did daily. And for Banzai to express concern to her, it was a big surprise, she hadn't expected that underneath the casing of stone, there was an actual beating heart. Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Banz?  She thought before she snapped herself back to reality and the male hyena who was there next to her, waking himself up.  

When Banzai asked if she was scared, she shot a glare at him, shooting thousands of tiny invisible daggers. Shenzi smirked when he admittedhe was a jackass. He was right about that. "Ya got that right, Banz. I'm a little worried about the huntin' situation, and worried about Missy, kid doesn't have night-vision. And I'm still creeped out by that meerkat. Stupid wolf, saving our breakfast 'n all." She spat out the last two sentences like it was a horrible taste in her mouth. One she'd rather forget for the rest of her life. The female shuddered at that memory.

That morning was all kinds of wrong. Stupid wolf, if he hadn't come in right before I was gonna eat that creep, he would've been long gone by now.  Stupid wolf, the next time I see him, the claws and teeth are out. A sick sadistic grin spread across her maw as Shenzi thought of all the ways she could injure the white wolf.

"And also, I've got some mixed feelings and shit about shit."

Shenzi was referencing her mixed feelings about her friend, which she had since the encounter with Timon and Marek. She didn't know why she had those feelings, Banzai was her friend, no, he was one of her best friends. One of the only hyenas who stuck with her. He wasn't anything more or less, so the question was; why did she have those feelings then?  The female hopped that what she was referencing wasn't too obvious and embarrassing, both hyenas were already shocked and surprised by the other's behavior and words.  

---

Muse: Disgusting by Miranda Cosgrove 
Word count: 377
Notes: Nice Mean Girls word vomit reference

It was safe to say that this conversation was taking a left turn into crazy town. Banzai was so confused, and alarmed, that he had no idea what to do nor what to say. Doing anything wrong could cost him greatly and he couldn't fathom the thought of what he might lose. Whether it be part of an ear or a dear....friendship? Either way, neither would be good. The world was big, and lonely, and he had to make do with the cards he'd been dealt. The hyena sat there and listened to Shenzi basically vomit all of her words onto the floor and into the air. He purposefully decided to ignore the fact that she agreed with him on the grounds that he was a jackass. It was true, and he would admit it, but her words stung when they normally wouldn't. It caught him off-guard, that was for sure, but there was plenty more things for him to focus on as he returned his attention to her. There was obviously a lot on her mind, without a doubt most of it bothering her. The two big, well three, big things were the hunting situation, looking out for Missy, and that whole interaction with that wolf and Timon. He hated wolves, which was clearly known, and every time he thought about Marek he could feel bile bubbling up his esophagus. The way the candid looked down at him, talked to him like he was a bigger idiot than he really was, and that he protected their food were all the ways that he had rubbed Banzai wrong. 

Shenzi seemed to have the same idea too. He watched as a sadistic grin graced her maw and flashed her bone-crushing teeth. Oh what I would give to see inside that scary little brain of hers, he thought to himself, a sickening grin gracing his own maw. He'd been feeling scrappy the past couple of days, especially after his showdown with DeSoto, and maybe there was a fight with Marek in his near future. Banzai could taste the wolf's blood in his mouth as he ripped and tore at that graceful white fur, staining it a crimson red. He would show no mercy, he never did to begin with, but especially since what he did was borderline treachery. He had protected a Hero and that needed to be punished. Banzai was petty, but he was never so petty as to go to the leaders. Being a believer in administering justice by himself, Banzai had learned how to be the judge and the jury and how to deliver the appropriate verdict and sentence. Sometimes. Okay, maybe never, but still. His muscles quivered slightly in anticipation but quickly came to a halt when Shenzi went to speak again. And what she would say next just about sent him through a loop. 

Mixed feelings? About what?! he thought to himself. Banzai leaned backwards slightly as if someone had tried to attack him. This was the moment that he really had no idea how to react. Should he pry or should he just nod and blow it off? He figured that if someone wanted to talk about something, or have someone ask them about said topic, they would just casually mention it. That or it had just slipped through her filter and she hadn't realized she said that. Banzai was never one to partake in "girl talk" or gossip, leaving him feeling extremely out of place. Maybe that's my cue to leave, he thought to himself. No matter how much he willed his legs to straighten and take him away to let his friend come back, instead of this new creature, and perhaps his life might fall back into some sort of normality. Luckily for Shenzi, whatever she was referring to went right over his head, even as he racked his brain for some sort of answer. "About what? You've never..EVER..had mixed feelin's. It was either one or the other, black or white, none of this gray shit. It's obviously buggin' ya so go ahead and spit it out instead of wallerin' in it........" he trailed, "it'll make you feel better?"

The male finally found his legs as he spoke and stood up. Part of him just wanted to run, not even waiting for his question to be answered, but the other screamed to stay. That same part that gave him all those conflicted feelings too. Eventually, that side over powered the other and he stayed, looking at his friends with half nervous/half curious eyes and a head tilt that mirrored it. 

---

word count| 770|
muse| Beg For It by Iggy Azalea feat. MO |
notes| KSJBFSDBFAS dun dun dunnn |

"About what? You've never..EVER..had mixed feelin's. It was either one or the other, black or white, none of this gray shit. It's obviously buggin' ya so go ahead and spit it out instead of wallerin' in it........" "it'll make you feel better?"

"Banz, I know, I know, I'm getting used ta this too." The female swallowed her pride momentarily to admit to her friend. These new feelings and emotions were just plain weird and fucked up. Shenzi was considering what to tell her friend, that she had feelings that were more than friendship? It was going to be hard to say it to Banzai. Fuck, how the hell did I get stuck doing this shit exactly? Oh yeah, I wanted to talk to Banz. Shenzi sighed, and looked back at her friend. Who knew which way it would take both hyenas? She sighed and took in a deep breath before speaking.  

"Here goes. It's about...you..."

Shenzi shut her eyes and winced, as if she was just slapped in the face by someone. It had been said. Shenzi had never felt so embarrassed and regretful that she said anything like that in her life. Now she couldn't take it back no how much she wanted to. Cautiously, Shenzi opened one eye and kept it open, watching her friend's reaction to what she had just said. Fuck, I shouldn't have done this in the first place, y'know what, it's time to go. "I'd better go Banzai, we've been embarrassed more times today than we have in our entire lives." Shenzi got up and turned around, heading towards the den's entrance. Sorry ya had to go through that shit Banz. 

---

Word count: 277
Muse: Double Vison by 3OH!3
OOC: The first pic is how Shenzi feels in the thread. 
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/344/d/5/weird_feeling_by_luxblack-d5nn81m.png
luxblack.deviantart.com/art/What-did-you-ask-her-350252725
    

Shenzi's confession left Banzai in disbelief, his body frozen in confusion and shock. Had she really said what he believed he heard? Her, having feelings about him? No..no way. But it was true. The male blinked a few times, trying to make sense of the hurricane of thoughts that swirled around in his head. This would shake the very foundation of their friendship, it would change everything, but sometimes even the most stable of relationships needed to change. Luckily for Shenzi, Banzai was having similar emotions as well. He was unsure of what he felt for her was simply respect or if it was something more. If he didn't act now, he probably would never have the opportunity to do so again. It was now or never, and since Shenzi was having second thoughts and preparing to leave, the time was certainly now. 

The realization that Shenzi was actually leaving hit him square in the face, filling the male with panic. "WAIT!" He called out. Banzai quickly scooted around her and stood solidly in her path, leaving no place for her to run. This whole situation was unlike the both of them and the only stable quality both could offer was to face this head on. Change was hard, but the payoff could be so sweet. Every ounce of his rock-hard facade faded away, leaving the male open and vulnerable. Matters of the heart tended to be very open and personal so in turn he had to be open. "I mean..wait. I..I think I know what you mean. You ain't the only one having all these...conflicting emotions," he admitted, taking a few steps closer but avoiding his gaze at the last minute and closing his eyes. "If Ya..if ya tell me what..what you're so conflicted about Shenz, I'll do it too." Banzai opened up his eyes, his liquid gold eyes boring into his best friend's, pleading to open up and perhaps let all of these pent up feelings out. "Just..don't leave.."

"WAIT!"

"Banzai, lemme fuckin' go already, we've already been in enough of this bullshit. " Shenzi slightly begged and snapped as she watched her friend block her path. She wanted to leave, leave the den, leave the situation, mayb even leave the Outlands. "Banz, lemme fuckin' go already, we've been in enough pf this bullshit." She snapped once more and repeated. If it seemed like that Shenzi was giving up, you wouldn't be half wrong, she did want to give up and ditch her problems, but there was one reason why she could go; Banzai. Fuck, I got myself and Banz inta this bullshit, I'm gonna get myself outta this. She mentally sighed. 

"I mean..wait. I..I think I know what you mean. You ain't the only one having all these...conflicting emotions," 

What  the fuck did Banz just say? Shenzi thought, shocked and confused. She was even more so when Banzai took a few steps closer to the female. Oh fuck, I'm trapped. The realization hit the female like a tonne of bricks, with Banzai blocking her path, she had no way to get out of the den. Shenzi was trapped like a helpless animal in a cage.  

"If Ya..if ya tell me what..what you're so conflicted about Shenz, I'll do it too."

Did Banzai just say what Shenzi thought he said? That he would tell her his feelings? It took her a few seconds to process the fact. Banzai, the rock who feels barely anything is admitting his feelings? And ta me? Shenzi sighed, before speaking. "Fine, Banz. I'm conflicted 'bout wondering if you're my friend or somethin' more, happy now?" She asked with a roll of her orbs.   

 "Just..don't leave.." 

"Ugh fine. Banz." Shenzi hesitated and reluctantly admitted and gave into the begging look he gave Shenzi.  

After voicing his frantic pleas for her to stay, the once stoic hyena was in the process of breaking down. For so long he'd kept all of his feelings, good and bad, hidden beneath his rocky personality. He had a status to uphold and showing any sort of weakness would cost him dearly. Banzai had worked his way up to the near top, or about as high as a male hyena could go in a female society, and he was determined to keep it. Feelings, eventually, bottled up and got the best of everyone. It was today, this very moment, that he decided to succumb to it. To be frank, it was tiring, trying to hold everything inside and for so long too. Well, it's out now. There's no turning back now, he thought to himself. Banzai stood in the den, frozen, unable to move as Shenzi's admittance enveloped him in a shroud of confusion, as well as relief. Perhaps she, too, wanted something more out of their borderline hostile relationship. It only made sense to fall for someone you've experienced so much with. 

The male hyena gathered up enough courage to look her square in the eyes, his paws unconsciously carrying him closer to her. Every word he could ever think of saying froze and died in his throat. They were too sour to say, or too sweet, or maybe even a little salty. There was no correct way to approach this carefully. Like the hunt, he had to take this head on, full force, holding nothing back. The only words he could say were short and sweet, hopefully getting to the point. "How long? How long have ya been like this..?" he grumbled, voice deep within his chest. Pretty soon, he was almost nose to nose with her, his eyes boring into hers, looking for some sort of answer or explanation. What was it that she wanted? What she truly wanted? Where she normally would've shut down and refused to talk, she had already made herself vulnerable and, like most things, he was hell bent and determined to solve this. Not because of her interest, but his as well. There were so many things he wanted but didn't have the guts to say. 

"Whatta want? Seriously Shenz, what is it that ya want? 'Cause I....well....I want more," he admitted, muscles locking up in anticipation. Shenzi would've ripped out his tongue for what he just said, but for once, he wasn't taking those back. Those words rang out true and pure, and it was perhaps the deadliest thing he has ever said. So much was riding on such few words. It was time to stop playing things safe. He wanted this, more than anything, now that all of his conflicted feelings are clarified. Banzai knew what he wanted, right this second, and he was going to go after it. Sure, he might lose her forever, but now he'll never have to wonder "what if". That would've been the biggest mistake of them all. The spotted male stood solidly in his place, close to her, and awaited her response. 

---

word count| 521 |
muse| Not On Drugs by Tove Lo |
notes| squeeee |

"How long? How long have ya been like this..?"

"Ever since we saw that fuckin' creep of a meerkat and that bastard of a wolf." Shenzi spat out to her friend, anger and fury blazed in the female's eyes at the thought of Marek and Timon, before realizing that her friend was moving closer and closer to her. The female's eyes widened slightly, slightly shocked about this, mainly because Shenzi didn't think that Banzai realized what he was doing.It was almost like his paws had a mind of their own, carrying the male to where ever he wanted to be, and that was apparently very close to Shenzi.

When he was almost nose to nose with the female, it was then she realized; what the actual fuck is Banzai even doing?


"Whatta want? Seriously Shenz, what is it that ya want? 'Cause I....well....I want more,"

What did Banzai just say? Did he say he wanted more? Ya know what; fuck it all. I want more too. The female thought as she finally made up her mind about her conflicting feelings about one of her best and closest friends. 
 
"Yeah, I do too, Banzai."  Shenzi admitted to the male hyena, slightly surprised at her own words, but they were out and they were true, she did want more than a friendship with Banz. The female, not really knowing what to do, caught her friend's gaze and bored into his eyes.     

---

Word count: 238
Muse: Still into you by Paramore
Notes:  This ship is just so cute right now.

Banzai's own eyes reflected the fear and shock that filled Shenzi's. His own actions were catching him by surprise. This wasn't him, no not by a long shot! Acting like this could scare her away, and that was the last thing he'd want, but there was nothing else to lose now. He just accepted the fact that what he was doing wasn't normal, or perhaps the start of something that was. Just as he became aware, Banzai stopped and continued to look at her. His heart was pounding hard against his ribs and caused them to ache, and that didn't help the nervousness, and fear, he felt mingling within his gut. This was it, everything was about to go down hill. Fearing the worst of her reaction, Banzai closed his eyes and adverts them away...

...only to have a few small words being his eyes back to her. Wait...what did she just say? He pondered, completely wonder struck. He couldn't help the surprises, but relieved, expression fill his whole body. It was unexpected, but certainly not u welcomed. "Did ya...are we...?" He stammered, struggling the find the right words to say. Where his words failed, his body was screaming, yearning, for a touch of some kind. Just to make sure this was a true thing. The male hyena fell silent for a moment, debating within his head whether to do something or not. She didn't seem like the type to be touchy but at this rate anything could go with her. Making up his mind, Banzai growled lowly to himself for being an idiot, flattened his ears, and cautiously moved his cheek to nuzzle hers. Every movement was planned, ready to retract when things went south. In this moment, he forgot to breathe and he was pretty sure she could hear everything going on within. What the hell are you doin'?! He cursed at himself. Honestly, he'd never been more scared in his whole life as he was in this moment. 

 "Did ya...are we...?"

"Yeah Banz, I think we are." Shenzi soothed her friend calmly, stopping her friend's stammering, knowing he was just as scared and nervous about this as she was, that much was obvious. I wonder if he can pick up on it. Her words caught the spotted female by surprise, this was very, very uncharacteristic for Shenzi. She never ever acted liked this before in all of her life, well, excluding today. What the fuck is goin' on with today? The female asked herself, yellow orbs looked back at her friend, and they widened slightly as Shenzi saw her friend flatten his ears and started to nuzzle her cheek. Instinct and the want to be more than friends with Banzai got the better of the spotted female as she found herself nuzzling her friend back.

Never before had Shenzi been more scared in her life than in that moment right then and there. To the spotted female, it was terrifying, she, along with her friend was risking everything right now. What the fuck are you doing, Shenzi? Alarm bells started to ring inside the female hyena's head, telling her to stop, but the female didn't care at all, this is what she wanted, she wanted to be more than friends with Banzai. She didn't care if she was making a huge risk, This is what I want, Shenzi thought, and dammit, I'm gonna get it.

(ooc post: short post is short.)