My broken Valentine

[February 14th. Closed to Nuka and myself.]

Again. She'd told herself she couldn't come back; it wasn't safe. How could it be? She was a revolutionary, a traitor, and yet she'd escaped Zira's claws. Zukki had vowed not to return to the outlands after her last meeting with Nuka there. Her children needed her safe they did. So why, oh why did the lioness not listen to herself? Where had her common sense gone? Well. It had not entirely left her. This time, she'd hidden her cubs away instead of bringig them along. They were safe, hidden back in the elephant graveyard, a place she knew the hyenas roamed much less nowadays. Besides, she'd only be gone a short while. She just had to check up on him. Her valuable, irreplaceable friend that didn't believe he was worth anything anymore.

Nuka.

Only he could've brough her back to such a dreadful, termite-infested place. Her pace was slick and quiet as the lioness slipped into a territory that was the farthest thing from home she'd ever had, keeping a low profile and her senses sharp. She was still just an outlander. Nobody would've recongnized her, or thought she looked out of place. She used this to her advantage as her feather-light steps carried her to where she thought his scent lead, being able to pick it from all the others out of sheer familiarity.

And, eventually, after what seemed like the longest, most anxious walk of her life, she spotted him in the distance. His red fur didn't stick out much from the landscape, but she knew it was him. He looked alive, at least. The velvety lioness couldn't hold back a smile as she approached him, still silent and casual, until she could get close enough to whisper to him so he'd get closer to her. She sought shelter behind a termite mound, and, finally, opened her mouth.

"You look as awful as the last time I saw you."

There was a heavy hint of humor in her tone as she whispered those words, offering Nuka a sincere smile once he turned around to see her. How she wished her dearest friend would just take Dotty and his children and flee with her. She knew, however, how unwilling he was to leave after the revolution. She could only dream to change his mind. But she wasn't here for that this time around, no; all she hoped to do was to lighten the lion's mood a little.

He was asleep. Sort of. His entire body had been in a slight comatose state the whole day. His stupid siblings, those little brats who shared his mother's blood. They'd been crying ALL day and ALL night. So he just wanted to take a little break. Just take a sleep and ignore the whole day, night, whatever. All of his problems disappearing into a cloud of drowsiness and sleep. However a voice broke apart his dream-like state. A familiar voice he hadn't heard in a long while.

"You look as awful as the last time I saw you."

He lifted his head, rolling on his back and peering over his thin stomach to the termite mound. He blinked, mouth parted as he tried to contemplate whether or not who he'd heard was who he'd heard. "Zukki?" It was a nickname that left his mouth, not her full title. He rolled to his side and flipped off the rock he'd been laying on. He shook his body before walking over towards the termite mound where he'd heard the voice.

"S'that...you?" He asked softly.

Her name rolling of his mouth left a familiar, welcoming feeling in her ears, as though she was a lioness returning to her childhood home after years of being away. They hadn't last met that long ago, of course. But the weight of war made time seem much longer. It's just what knowing you could die anyday did to you, Zukkiza supposed. When he finally approached her hiding place, she poked her head out to greet him with a head-bump and a sort purr, a familiar gesture she used with all those felines who were close to her. Nowadays, the list seemed to fall short rather than grow larger.

"In the flesh." She replied, "Who else is bonkers enough to come look for you here, anyways?" She replied, sitting back on her haunches, tall and mighty like she wasn't at great risk by just being there. She was a lot different than the last time they'd seen one another, though; she'd grown stonger, and she'd grown braver, and she'd grown to be more serious but less gloomy. Besides, her friends brought the best out of her, and she could allow herself to joke around a little."Someone has to check up on you once in a while." She stated, making the situation sound so much more simple than it truly was.

She wanted to ask how he'd been, but she knew. She knew just how awful of a time he must've been having, under the strict watch of two insane parents who lusted only after power. The question was rather pointless. How could she even make conversation without bringing up anything hurtful? It was not like she felt the need to tiptoe around the subject, no. She'd simply rather not see Nuka in pain. "Were you... sleeping?" She asked instead, and it sounded much dumber than she'd imagined in her head. Whoops.

Nuka smiled, his tail twitching in a slight wag it would seem. He chuckled softly to himself, pressing his chin to his maned neck. His claws dug into the dirt beneath him before he lept towards the girl, leaving his head pressed against her's a little longer. He really just wanted to leave it there, feel a soft, warm, familiar rumble of her throat and beat of her pulse against his face. But, in order to not be a creep, he released his grip on her and offered a doofy grin towards her.

"Daaaang," he laughed, "I thought you'd poofed with those kids of yours and you weren't comin' back!"

He wanted to hug her again. He pretty much was grasping at any affection at this point. Not even his daughters wanted to hug him. He shook his head. "Not really..." He mumbled, "It's impossible to sleep around here. Didn't you hear? I'm a brother now of two lumpy white potatoes." He let out a snarl.

"The chosen kings of the outlands..."

Nuka's lingering affection caught her by surprise, but it was welcome nonetheless. It, in fact, got her to purr a little louder, the feeling of his fluffy mane tickling her pleasantly. When he pulled back, she mirrored the lion's grin with one of her own, although, admittedly, Zukki's looked a bit more greceful. At Nuka's words, she appeared offended, placing her paw on her chest and rising her snout in the air in a seemingly hurt fashion. "What an awful accusation! As I remember it, it was you who refused to run away with us." She stated dramatically, before dropping the act with a humorous chuckle.

At his next words, however, her ears perked up, and she looked more serious. White? Scar had birthed white sons? That was just bad news for everyone. Her body tensed; sons meant danger. For Nuka and for Dotty and for the girls. Scar had no use for any of them anylonger; what would happen to Nuka's family now? She hid her panic very well, but on the inside, Zukki was thinking, planning, praying to the great kings for a way to make nuka listen and go back with her. She knew he wouldn't listen. Unless...

She could tempt him with Doa. Oh, she knew. She knew of the whole lioness kidnapping. She knew Doa was Nuka's son, she was perfectly aware. Would the promise of a new Mauko of sorts be able to lure him back? ... No. The lioness stopped herself before she could think of it further, catching the words on the tip of her tongue before they left her maw. At least not yet, she though to herself. Instead of voicing her thoughts, however, she offered Nuka a compassionate smile and touched her paw softly to his, like she had the night he'd broken in sobs at Nottingham so many moons ago. "For whatever it's worth," she began, "You'll always be a king to me." The lioness had a lot more faith on Nuka than he had on himself, that much was clear.

"Haha."

It was a dry, grim laugh. The male smiled softly, his dusty muzzle pulling back in all that he could manage. Truth be told be did want to run. Badly. Now more than ever with Dotty and the girls and...he let that thought trail off. He was useless as hell. Her next words gripped his chest tightly. "You'll always be a king to me." He licked her cheek softly.

"It means everything," he grumbled, "Everything you could possibly imagine. You and Dotty...I'm lucky two great ladies balance out the other...not so great lady in my life." He didn't need to speak of who this lady was. His mother. The devil. And now those babies. He stared towards Zukki. Did she know everything? What had happened? How narrowly she'd escaped being one of his father's whores? He couldn't even say...what he'd done too.

"Zukki what are you doing in the outlands again?" He asked, "It can't just be for dirty old me."

Zukki let ut a pleased sigh at the cheek lick, leaning in to nuzzle Nukka's mane affectionately. At his words, she smiled. Oh, she wished. She wished she and Dotty could be enough to balance Zira out. Truth was, there was not enough good in the entire, spherical earth to balance the evil in Zira out. A grandmother killing her own grandson, a child, in cold blood. Drawing his death out in such a painful way. She hadn't been there, but she'd learned to listen to the rumors intently, and she'd learned a lot more than she ever wanted to know. Her only hope to truly balance things out was to get rid of Zira. And she would, some day. She hadn't forgotten her promise to Nuka back at the castle. She would die trying, she would. Zukki would do anything to free Nuka off of the claws of his rotten-minded mother.

"Sorry to disappoint. This is, indeed, just about dirty old you, Nuka." Zukki gave him a sad smile, one that she wished would tell him thigs she could not put into words. That she knew everything, and that Nuka was, indeed, awful and he'd wronged many people. But even knowing what she knew, she forgave him. Because she knew, she was sure deep in her heart, that he wouldn't have if his father and mother hadn't convinced him to. He was better than that. At least, in Zukki's eyes, he was.

"I'm gonna keep coming back just to see you," she began once more, her tone stubborn, determined, "Until the day I can convince you to come with me. I'll do whatever it takes, Nuka, if it means you won't be miserable anymore. I'd go back in time if I could. Put myself between her and Mauko, I would, but I can't." She meant her every word, and when she said Maukos name, she didn't say it shamefully or pitifully, she said it like his life had meant all if truly had. He wasn't just some martyr of war; he had been a child, and he had been a blessing, and she spoke of him as such. "I'll do anything, Nuka. Anything I can. And you'll be happy again, if it's the last thing I do." She buried her face in his messy fluff of a half-grown mane once again.

"Because you deserve it. You deserve to be happy."

He winced as she said those words, pulling away from her, slightly lifting his foreleg out of reach of her. The truth was that he didn't believe that. Not in the slightest. "I'm a termite," he muttered, placing his leg down, away from her form, "A lowly life form who doesn't deserve to survive...let alone be happy." His ears flicked back as he turned away from her. Truth be told he was ashamed. Zukki seemed to still think the world of him. Who knew why.

"Your cubs deserve to be happy, my cubs deserve to be happy...you and Dotty deserve to be happy. Me? I deserve to be dropped at the bottom of that hole that my father dug for us."

His body hunched over as he stared at the dirt. The bugs crawling in and out of the cracks of the outlands. He wanted so bad to just run away. He smirked. "If I could," he muttered, "I would start a pride all my own away from here. Grab you and your little rascals and Dotty and ours...start a whole pride." His voice took on that childish tone again. A playful grin appeared on his face.

"Maybe somewhere where the sun shines..." He mumbled, looking up at the black sky.

Zukki let him speak, listening intently at his words. A grimace crawled onto her muzzle. "Is that what you think, or is that what your parents told you?" She already knew the answer. Scar and Zira, master and mistress of manipulation, had naturally led poor Nuka to believe their lies. "They wouldn't have gone after you if you were a termite. You posed a threat. Because you're better than them, Nuka, you are. I know you don't believe me. But it's the truth. People followed you into Nottingham because you were a spark in the darkness of your parents' reign. You're coherent. Far more compassionate. Unlike them, high up in their royal pedestal, you were one of us. One of the people. And that scared them."

Her brow wrinkled in slight distaste as she spoke of Scar and Zira. They'd broken Nuka all the way to the core. Their own son. How could they? "You scared them. You still do. It's why they keep you all here. They're afriad, Nuka, of all you and Dotty could be if you'd just leave this awful place."

At his next set of words, and as he grinned with cublike wonder, Zukki couldn't help but to smile a little, and look up at the black sky as he did. "You know," she began again, although her voice was much more hopeful and a lot less bitter, "They say you can follow even the smallest of lights when it's pitch black. Maybe that's why I came back. Maybe I needed it to be pitch black to be able to follow your little light." Zukki could've sound a lot cheesier than she wanted, but she hadn't been paying attention to her words. "Maybe, on a blacker day, you'll try to follow mine." She mused to herself, hoping in the bottom of her fluffy lioness heart, that Nuka would one day leave with her.

"It's what I think," he admitted, "My parents didn't need to tell me I was worthless in order for me to think it."

He smirked at her other words. A tear even pricked in his eyes. A light...he chuckled softly, pushing his stringy, twisted beard to his chest. "You're already a star, Zukki," he said, "A light among a whole bunch of horrible little dark blotches. i'm a blotch. A big gross scraggly blotch." He stuck his tongue out and rose, pacing slightly as he spoke. His ears folded back as his nose throbbed, seeming to want to make him aware of those ugly scars on his face delivered by his father.

He let out a low grumble in his throat, turning towards Zukki. "I missed you," he whimpered, "I wish you were here...around us all the time...but I won't drag you down to the gutter with the rest of us. You're better than that."

Zukki frowned when Nuka said he would've thought he was worthless without his parents around. That wasn't true, not in her head. If Scar and Zira did not manipulate the lion into thinking he wasn't good for anything, he could be so much more than either of them were. She kew this, was a hundred percent sure. She brought her gaze down from the skies above and placed it right back onto Nuka, and... were those tears? Her heart absolutely broke at the sight. This was just proof enough that Nuka did not get told he was important by anybody, but he was. He was so very dear to her.

At his next set of words, tears also filled her eyes but didn't spill. A star. He gave her too much credit. Zukkiza had a lot more self esteem than Nuka, that's for sure. She knew she mattered as an individual. But to call her something so bright, so beautiful it got related to the great kings of the past? She wasn't that good. And Nuka was not just a black blotch in the sky either. "Maybe you see yourself as that. But if you were, how would I have found you here? This place is full of black blotches, isn't it?" He said it himself, after all.

At his next set of words, she closed the space between them once more before placing her head under his chin and pressing herself close, "I would come back in a heartbeat. But I ran with the rebellion. I still believe in it. Zira would probably have my head if she knew." She said, softly, almost as if she thought she was at fault for being unable to stay with him. If he'd just come with her... she wanted to insist, to be annoying about it. Would Nuka get mad? She tried her best to bite back her words, but, in the end, they escaped her nonetheless. "If you'd just come with me..." her voice was barely a whisper, like she was talking to herself and not him. She sighed out and nuzzled her face against his wiry mane again, clearing her throat a bit before pulling away.

"I'm sorry. I know why you stay. I don't mean to push you around." She apologized, "I'm just so scared, Nuka. I want to be with you and with Dotty and your girls again, and I can't. I'd give you anything, anything at all, if you'd just bring your family with me. I'd give you the world. But what can I even give you? I can't promise you'll be safe, and I can't promise your mother won't come after us, and I can't do anything. Its so infuriatig." She growled out, pourig her feelings into words once and for all. "I should've been there when he died. I should've done something, and then you wouldn't be stuck here with that wrenched madwoman. I'd give my life to bring Mauko back." She stated finally, unsure whether to look Nuka in the eye or not. would he lash at her? Would she cause him to break down again? None of the possible outcomes were good ones in her head. But she'd been keeping all of that in for so long; she just wanted Nuka to know, to realize he was important to her. More important than almost everybody else.

"Okay. I'm a smelly black blotch," he said with a grin. He tried his best to be charming, despite the disgusting state of his self esteem. His ears shot straight up as Zukki placed herself near him, nuzzling him as one would a lover. His tail seemed to straighten as well in an almost cartoonish manner. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to escape his mind for a brief moment. He purred a little as he lowered his furry cheek to hers' and smiled at her.

"I should've been there when he died."

He froze, yellow orbs ripping open. "I should've done something, and then you wouldn't be stuck here with that wrenched madwoman. I'd give my life to bring Mauko back." "NO," he spat, pulling back from her. His thoughts flowed again. "No, you leave yourself out of that guilt NOW. Rebellion or whatever, that...his...Mother's...um...it wasn't your fault." He bumped his head against her nose again before lifting her chin with his paw.

"This isn't your fault," he said, "It's mine. I should...I should just end it." His breath was hot on her muzzle, his maw inches from hers. "I'm sorry..."

Nuka's soothing purrs were suddenly cut short, and Zukki stared at him with surprise as he spoke. She shouldn't blame herself, he said, but how could she not? Zukki knew, she was well aware, that it was Zira who was at fault. But just as Nuka blamed himself for leading the rebellion, just as Dotty blamed herself for not watching Mauko when he died, she, too, blamed herself for not having been around. She could've been babysitting; she hadn't done anything important back at Notthingam anyways. She could've, should've done something, and she didn't.

Before she could voice her dreadful thoughts, though, Nuka had already bumped his forehead against her nose, and she decided to nuzzle him again instead of telling him all over again how, if he was to blame, then so was she. And then he lifter her head up, and he kept talking, and his breath tickled her whiskers, and he was so close to her that the fur along her spine bristled up with goosebumps. Amber eyes met blood red ones as he apologized, and, for a moment, Zukki felt dazed. She couldn't quite focus on his words, almost; what was she? A dumb cub with an impossible crush on somebody away from her reach? Snap out of it! Her brain screamed at her, and yet...

Faster than Zukki could think it over, she had leaned in, closing the space between them and pressing her muzzle against his in a kiss, or well, whatever lions considered a kiss. She was sure she'd smack herself in the head later, because she knew, was perfectly aware, that Dotty, her friend, still loved Nuka. She had to. And Zukki definitely still loved Chumvi, with all her heart. But... how was this so genuine, then? She had no idea.

After a lingering instant, she pulled away again, and almost immediately regretted her bad chices. "I'm, um, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... haha wow, what am I doing." She said, bashful, looking down at her paws instead of up at Nuka. What was she thinking? Confused Zukki was confused.

A kiss was still a kiss.

And Nuka's body gave a timed response. For about two seconds he was shocked. His ears lifting, his large egg-shaped eyes widening in a shocked expression. Then another two second had his eyes at half-mast, but guilt welling up in his slender, fluffy chest. What would Dotty...at the next two seconds he didn't care. Nothing mattered but the warm body he held. He didn't want her to break the lion-kiss. He wanted her to stay with him forever.

But she did break it, making his eyes blink open softly. "I'm, um, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... haha wow, what am I doing."

"I...I dunno," he said, kicking a termite with his paw. His eyes snapped to hers. He placed a paw on her paw she was staring at. "But...but I like it..."

Zukki blinked a couple of times, as if her eyes were hazy and unfocused instead of her mind, and looked up at Nuka again. He'd liked that? Had Dotty crossed his mind like Chumvi had crossed hers? Had Nuka, too, chosen not to care? The lioness wished she could read his mind, just out of curiosity, just to know. Her ears pressed against her skull bashfully, and she looked back down again. At first, she wanted to hit the tiny voice in her head to told her just to kiss him again, but she found more and more reasons to do so. She'd have to be gone soon. When would she see Nuka again? Would he still be alive when se retured? What if Zukki never saw him again.

"This is wrong." Zukki spoke softly, and she didn't know whether she was talking to herself or her male companion, but, as if she had not uttered those words right then, she did it. She kissed him again. This time, daring to linger longer, her mind racing with thoughts of how much danger Nuka was always in and of how much she wanted him to just run away with her, and the weight of her guilt lessened considerably. Either of them could die at any given time; was it really wrong to show him how much she cared, then? Her reason told her that she was just making up excuses. Her heart told her she could do whatever she wanted.

Finally, after what felt like forever to her, Zukki pulled away, only this time, she buried her face back into his ebony mane again. "So wrong." She repeated, her voice muffled by all of Nuka's neck fluff. "But I don't care." She continued, because well, if he liked it too, then it shouldn't be as bad as it felt, should it? "What a dick move." She huffed, her playful tone returning a little, "How am I supposed to leave you here and go now?" There was a hint of sadness in her voice. Zukki didn't want to remind herself she'd be gone before either of them could realize.